What is happening???

On December 8th my league had its end of the year party. Teams were to decide on 3 awards of their choosing. To my enormous surprise my team voted me to receive 2 of them, and I was both "Most Improved" and the "Dames Dame." I was stunned.

Most of the season I felt I was struggling. I spent a ton of time harshly judging myself, feeling like an outsider lacking in skills and game knowledge. Hugely intimidated often to the point of immobility by the powerhouse players on my team and in the league. Many evenings after practice were spent confronting fear and self doubt, driving Mr. Lebowski bonkers, staying up til 2 worrying, rehashing and fretting. I considered giving up so many times. But then I would wake up in the morning thinking more clearly and remember how much I love this sport and league and all that it gives me, realize again that the good things are well worth the challenges and exhaustion.

My first year of derby has left me with friends I will know a lifetime and memories that guarantee a smile that warms my whole face scalp and soul.

Joining the league I had hoped I would meet some cool, strong women. But what I have experienced this year far surpasses that expectation. Truth is, I was sinking miserably into isolation, dominated and exhausted by the demands of caring for 2 toddlers. There were days I was so lonely, and spoke to no one until we picked my husband up from work.

I feel the need to mention that I was dreading December 8 th as it was the one year anniversary of a dear friend of mine dying after several years of battling leukemia. She remained unbelievably positive and strong throughout, and left behind her 3 year old daughter. With our crazy lives in New York we never had enough time to spend together and I miss her profoundly.

I am in awe of and inspired by each of the women in the league, but there are a few I have been lucky enough to get to know more closely.

This is my love letter to them.  They have each saved me in unique ways this past year. Come to my rescue and loved me unconditionally over and over again. Insisted I honor my desire to do this, and think seriously and calmly about not giving up. Reminded me of the example I set for the Little Lebowskis and to look forward many, many years when I am able to tell my grandkids about having this dream and pursuing it.  Surprised me with elaborate care packages on my front porch when I spent a night in the hospital. Unexpectedly and joyfully Christmas bombed my house. Made me laugh till my face hurt, encouraged me when I wanted to give up, listened to me cry, took me on a birthday trip to Chicago, came willingly and excitedly to the wee viking's birthday party and made me jawdroppingly gorgeous team awards that will forever be prized possessions. My life is deeply affected and enriched by knowing each of them, they warm my soul, yanked me out of the mommy disconnect I was immersed in, and make me a better person each day I know them.

There's thoughtful, warm, powerful, steady, grounded, amazing GWrath. The first girl I spoke to at tryouts. She shook my hand with such friendliness and eye contact and kept insisting she knew me from somewhere. After knowing her a year it seems we have indeed known each other much longer. She taught me how to put on my wrist guards at tryouts and I lovingly refer to her as the Mayor of TCDG.

And my dear, kind, strong, honest, brilliant, determined Killy. Encouraging me, begging me to knock someone on their ass one time just so she could see it happen and I would believe it's possible, leaning her head on me during rule of the day. Coming over spur of the moment and on her way to work to help me heft some enormous play structure I found on the street over my fence for the kids. Pen pals with my boy. Meeting me in the park to play with the kids, encouraging me and complimenting my mothering skills when I have doubted myself.

Hilarious, generous, free spirited, gigantic hearted, fabulous cook, gypsy juice brewing, gorgeous Gator with her mile long legs, and cornucopia of fishnets and amazing booty shorts. My go to Derby attire guru, persuading me that, although drastically veering from my usual baggy old school gym shorts, the sparkly purple booty shorts were indeed a good idea and I could wear them. Never fails to make me smile. Her and her 32 lipglosses of very similar shades all toted around in her purse each day, which she willingly displayed for a very lucky few of us to view at a league meeting. We compare parenting notes and laugh about doing so in about 12 years when my kiddos are the ages hers are now. She utilized the phrase "Well that's a very broad question" with such comic timing that I can't write it now or probably say it ever without cracking up. Gator, "What is happening??"

Energetic, inspiringly confident, enthusiastic, motivated, artistic, beautiful, rock star Dame. My Senator's dance partner and giver of whips at practice. Instigator and vehement supporter of skillfully choreographed, sparkling moments of beauty during couples skates. "Hold my hand like you mean it damn it!!" One of the youngest in the league, exploding with life and all it has to offer. Driven and constantly striving to improve, making friends with everyone. Sitting down next to me on the bench at bouts to offer guidance or pushing me at practice to work harder than I knew I could and improve.

It is these women and all the others in the league that have fueled my experience this year and made it extraordinary. I am forever grateful. They are my friends, cheerleaders, confidants, and teachers. I had been feeling isolated and overwhelmed by motherhood and now I am surrounded and embraced by powerhouses. Their collective energies strengthen me, make me strive for greatness and I will love them always.